There had been a misunderstanding. Small enough that either of them could have addressed it easily in the first week. He thought she would say something. She thought the same.
A week became a month. A month became a year. Now there was the original misunderstanding and a year of silence sitting on top of it, and addressing it required navigating both.
He thinks about reaching out. He talks himself out of it. The gap is too wide now. The explanation would be awkward. She probably doesn’t think about it.
She probably thinks about it.
The friendship standoff happens when both people are waiting for the other to go first. Not from malice. From a combination of pride and discomfort and the growing sense that the longer it goes the harder it becomes. Both people have the phone. Neither one opens it. The friendship ends not with a decision but with a silence that gradually becomes permanent.
I have been on both sides. The one waiting and the one being waited for. Both positions feel, from the inside, like the reasonable one. Both positions, from a distance, look like a waste of something that didn’t have to go this way.
He hasn’t reached out. She hasn’t either. A year of good friendship is sitting on the other side of one uncomfortable text.
What is the text actually going to cost him?
The discomfort of sending the first message after a long silence lasts about forty seconds. The discomfort of not sending it can last years. Most people, when they finally do reach out after a long gap, are met with relief. The other person was also waiting. Also had the phone in their hand.
He has the phone. She is probably also holding hers.
Some things worth sitting with:
- Is there a friendship standoff you’re in right now that could be ended by one message?
- What are you afraid the message will cost you?
- Who has been waiting for you to go first?
There’s a related thread worth following: They Grew Up Together and Apart and Didn’t Notice Until They Were Strangers..
Inspired by a real story shared anonymously online.